Being completely honest, I hated my biological father growing up

Now, I understand that for some of you, this will come as a shock because your father was who you needed them to be spiritually, emotionally, and physically, but for myself, and many more around the world, although my dad was around, he was absent

A few months ago, my Dad and I had an open dialogue for the first time in my life, but I realised how much God had changed my heart, particularly towards him

You see, my Dad wanted to (literally) swap me at birth for a baby boy who had recently been born, and so, my life growing up was an emotional rollercoaster of wanting to be loved by him and seeking the approval of my Father – both, I felt, were denied

Growing up, was hard, and to put it simply, I hated my Dad, I hated my life, and I hated the world

Then I met Jesus, and He turned my life upside down. But, it was years before I accepted that God loved me. Instead, I sort about trying to ”win” God’s approval and trying to earn His love

It still astonishes me how our experiences in the natural affect our Spiritual relationships

One day, while I was driving; God said He was going to show me how much He truly loved me. The only way I can describe it was the car was engulfed in love

I couldn’t breathe because the presence of God was so thick but I nearly crashed my car, and so I quickly pulled over. Yet, it was in those few seconds (that was all I could take before I cried out to stop) that my life changed. Crying uncontrollably, I was literally snot crying, but it made me realise ”there was more.”

Friends, the day I truly found God’s love, I was free. It set me on a journey of discovering who I am in Christ, but also, who others were to God, as well

That day in my car, I vowed to walk with Holy Spirit to show God’s love. God showed me that I needed to let go of many things, but most of all, I was to let go of expectation, and love my Dad for who he was, not who I wanted him to be, because God was everything that I needed anyway

I want to encourage you today, that God’s love allows us to love ourselves and others, without fear, without judgement, or condemnation

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”

1 John 4:16

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