There have been many times in my life when I have questioned: “why?”
Why if there was a God, didn’t He just let me die at certain times my life? Why if there was a God, did He bring me into this earth? Why if there was a God, did He not stop certain events from happening to me?
Yet, it has taken me years to understand that it wasn’t God who was to blame for this, but a mixture of events, decisions, and actions from others and even myself, that led to unbearable pain emotionally, physically, and spiritually
But, honestly, for a while there, you got me! I believed you! You had won because I genuinely hated God. I hated Him with everything in me, but I also hated myself!
I now realise that, actually, that was your biggest downfall, because God created humanity with the natural inclination to ask “why,” and things didn’t make sense to me
I couldn’t understand why I felt alone, when there are billions of people on this planet? Or, why I had every horrible name running through my brain as to why I was worthless, useless, pathetic. But when I received a Bible for the first time, I realised that it went against everything you had had me believe – so again I questioned, “why?”
God has since taken me through events, even as a child, to rewrite the lies that you had me believe. Seeing the pain that I have caused to myself and others has been a realisation of the devastation you leave while trying to destroy everything that God has created me for, and yet, that was the epiphany…
You kept trying to destroy me…
If I was worthless why did you have to keep coming back?
God showed me ”why” through Scripture, because I came across a verse that allowed me to realise that you intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. God now takes my mess of a life, and He has brought me to this position so that I can save the lives of many people (Genesis 50:20)
God has shown me my true identity…my true worth…and my purpose. God has won the ultimate victory, because I have given my life to Him, and that means I have finally realised that you are the ultimate loser