I remember the nights were always the worst for me. My life was paralysed by fear, and so, I developed insomnia.
Events, choices, arguments, past, and present would play over and over in my mind. I survived on a few hours sleep a night for a long time, but my relationships, and especially my ability for intimacy with God, or Kieren, suffered because I thought I was pre-destined to be alone.
I thought being alone was good because I could control ”alone” – or so I thought. Therefore, I stopped going to Life Groups. I stopped going to the Toddler/Mum’s Group with Sarai. I stopped going out for coffee with friends. I even stopped going to Church. I just stopped going out…
Every part of me was fearful of failing, of not being good enough, making the wrong choice. I thought I was being judged as a Mom, a wife, and even a friend. In my head, alone was where I could breathe, and yet, alone terrified me all at the same time
Friends, my heart was closed – it was encased in shattered glass, waiting for the tiniest shard to pierce my brokenness, but I want to encourage you that there are people around you that God has placed in your life to help you.
For some, it might be that coffee date that you have been putting off. Or even, going to that group at church. For me, it was talking to a trained Christian counsellor that took away the shards of glass and rewriting what I thought was truth, with God
Anything or any place that holds fear in our lives is where God has not truly been allowed to go
I want us to understand that we are not alone, and we were never created to be alone, either.
Brokenness is what stops us from allowing God to remove those shards of glass, permanently, and so today, if we can’t speak out to someone about our fears, or even if we can’t speak about anything, allow your tears to be your prayers to God, and when possible, in your head, say ”help me.”
Then watch what happens, because I promise, when we open our hearts to God, and go on that journey with Him, fear will flee
”Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” 1 John 4:18