When you cannot understand

Today, marks the 8th anniversary of myself having a total hysterectomy. I was 28 years old and unsure of what was next.

Confused…angry…devastated that this was a full-stop in being able to carry another child. I was angry.

Surely, if I had carried one baby, that meant I should be able to carry another? Yet, to my unspoken heartache, I lay there about to be put under anaesthesia, asking why?

Life has no guarantees other than, uncertainty.

Being honest – it took me along time after the surgery to talk to God again. I had put walls up around my heart – trying hard to hold them together but in the end the burden was too hard.

I let go. I realised there are some things that we will never know. But, I do know that God gave us a miracle, with Sarai.

It doesn’t change the wondering. I still have “a look” that Kieren knows as, me longing. That feeling I get when I hear of a new pregnancy or hold a Friend’s newborn baby for the first time. But, God knows why and when we let go of pain, the “why” gets easier and we can begin to trust God again.

He is with us during life’s pain and even the opportunities we face, yet for me, it’s knowing that with faith, God will see me to the other side of all the things, because I trust in Him and He’s never failed me yet.

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Rebecca Brand

My hearts desire is for everyone to have an intimate relationship with Christ. To hear the voice of God and to experience His presence. Also, to help disciple others to discover their purpose within the body of Christ - through the power of the Holy Spirit.

My God-given dream is to break down barriers within life and the Church as a whole to strengthen and develop relationships within every denomination and bring unity - so that we will collectively raise up together and fulfil the Great Commission, within this lifetime.

I am living proof that no matter what your past was or whatever your life has become - God will use you to fulfil what He created you to do, when you step out in obedience and faith.

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