I was twenty-five years old when I gave my heart to Jesus. I started reading the Old Testament one day and to put it simply, I freaked out…
I had always been told that if God was so loving, then He wouldn’t allow all the pain and suffering in the World. This had caused me to develop an unhealthy attitude towards Christianity but after about six months of “searching,” I had gone from atheist to Christian.
The romance of finding God died quickly, when I suddenly realised that God was big and scary.
As I read through the Old Testament, I read about this big flood. I read how the ground literally swallowed people up if they didn’t do as they were told. I read about plagues and so much death. I read about this guy having to willingly sacrifice his son to show he loved God more – and that was just a few things!
Don’t get me started on the New Testament – it’s like the most epic love story gone wrong – who wants the good guy to die?
I became fearful. God obviously had made a mistake because if He really knew me then the ground should have buried me by now? Then I began to study the Bible.
I cried a lot. I wanted to know how I could take back all the mistakes in my life. The guilt I felt. I burdens I carried. The shame…the heartache.
Giving my life to Christ was only the beginning. I did not realise that it was a lifelong journey of relationship and discovery. We will naturally shy away from things we don’t understand and therefore develop preconceived ideas.
I realise now, that God was big and scary because I didn’t know Him. I didn’t understand the context of what was happening in the things I mentioned above. I didn’t see the whole picture.
The Bible does talk about God being angry and His righteous anger will ultimately bring justice to humanity. Yet people only talk about the bits that they want to. It’s like leaving food on your plate because you don’t like something but actually we all need a balanced diet.
I have learnt that Gods love far surpasses anything that this world has to offer and if He is angry, it’s only because He cares. His son died so we may live. The irony now is whether we are living, to die or to be with God.